DIARY OF A MARRIAGE
April 17, 2019
The woman standing in front of the room held the dildo much as you would a spatula or a hairbrush, swinging it around, punctuating her sentences with it. She continued her description of the apparatus (somehow making four-letter words sound more scientific than pornographic) without seeming the least bit distracted by its constant buzzing. But, then again, this was her job - to host ‘Passion Parties,’ the X-rated version of the Tupperware party. Here, you don’t buy a lidded casserole dish. You buy vibrating underwear and chocolate-flavored lube.
I glanced around at the rapt group of girls who sat in a horseshoe around the host. The one wearing the pink ‘Bachelorette’ sash was open-mouthed; the girl next to her was nodding at the dildo approvingly. Behind me, someone giggled, and still another asked if the toy came in pink. The evening continued like this, the host nonchalantly pulling strange objects from her bag, the rest of us gaping and giggling at them like a bunch of prepubescent kids at their first sex-ed class.
As the evening progressed, though, girls started to open up. “I’ve tried that,” one said. “Oh yeah, the cord on that one is a little annoying,” said another. “My husband was totally freaked out by that one,” said someone else. I slowly realized that I was one of the only attendees maybe one out of 15 that had never used anything that could be even remotely classified as a sex toy. In fact, the only electronic devices I’ve ever brought into bed are my Kindle and a booklight. So much for being an evolved, modern female in charge of her sexuality. When compared to my friends, I was a cavewoman.
The next morning, our group trekked to a tiny third-floor studio for a pole-dancing class. A disco ball hung from the ceiling and hot-pink light bulbs gave the place a mysterious, red-light-district feel. We gamely changed into the costumes that were provided complete with knee-high white vinyl platform boots and booty-shorts and watched in awe as our instructor swung dizzying circles around one of the poles. She gyrated in front of us, hung upside down from her ankles, slithered across the floor. We all were impressed, if not a little scared of her.
And then it was our turn. She told us to rely on our momentum, instead of upper-body strength, to bravely launch ourselves around the pole with one arm, to catch hold of the pole with our opposite leg, and then gracefully circle downwards to the floor. My friend, who was dressed as a sexy pirate, caught on immediately. Another friend, wearing a cute pink halter top, looked almost angelic as she swung to the ground, hair flying out behind her.
Then we learned a chair dance routine. Maybe this was where I’d shine, I thought. And I was pretty good, especially at the hair-swinging part. So, great, I thought as we left the studio. I can do a chair dance. But our plastic IKEA kitchen chairs back home are decidedly unsexy. Our antique wooden chairs belonged to my mom, so it would be weird to straddle them. And our acrylic Philippe Stark Louis Ghost dining chairs would get scratched if I ever perched a platform heel on them. Plus, if I ever blasted ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ and gyrated on any one of our chairs, J. would probably laugh. We’re strong and happy as a couple, we just work but we’re just not all that X-rated.
Still, I felt weirdly powerful after the weekend ended. Funny how one little Passion Party and a pole-dancing class can do that to you. I left Boston feeling like Emily 2.0, a strong woman who may or may not have purchased something at a Passion Party, who stomped around for two hours in knee-high white vinyl stripper boots, and though she may not have managed to swing around the pole gracefully learned to seriously get her swagger on. And every marriage can use a bit more of that.
ABOUT UNDER THE COVERS
Passion, romance and the joy of sex in your marriage! This is what this page is about. Here we celebrate love in its most intimate, fun and very often vulnerable state. This website
is filled with article on her needs, his needs, and your needs as a couple. We explore the importance of sex toys as an aid in the bedroom, the meaning of spontaneity and keeping things interesting and spicy (for both of you), as well as exploring new things together.
Sex plays a very important part in a relationship. It is a beautiful experience between two people who love and adore each other. It is the physical expression of two souls coming together to form one. But it can also be a wild and untamed urge.
Under the Covers
is a part of the Date Night Ideas group. Sex is after all a natural end to a date with the person you love. Just like it is necessary to schedule dates with your partner, it is important to plan Sex Night as Date Night.
“No matter what has happened. No matter what you’ve done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you.
I swear it.”
––Defiance by C.J. Redwine
“I wanted to tell you that wherever I am, whatever happens, I’ll always think of you, and the time we spent
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responsibility toward that love.”
––Every Day by David Levithan
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I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable,
and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and
I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
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right this second.”
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something about you at all. It was just you.”
––Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire